Within an hour of meeting me, a man declared I couldn’t be married to anyone “average”. He was correct. An “average” man doesn’t have the capacity to handle the depth and rate of my personal development, the intensity with which I fight my own inner battles, the ferocity with which I am determined to be a victor in those battles nor my far from simple capacity to navigate my highly complex emotions with the ease of a tightrope walker.

It’s very interesting to see a man’s response when they hear that I’m in Women’s Empowerment. More often than not – the response is “Oh no, shall I run?”. It’s a shame, as I soon learned that they were intimidated by a woman standing in her power because it would force them to step up into their own best selves (a gut wrenching journey let me tell you). The rarer response is “Wow, tell me more”.

And here you have the men divided into 2 distinct groups:

• One who will embrace a woman as she finds her power
• One who feeds off a woman being the Damsel and the arm candy

Men are accustomed to the Damsel. It’s much easier to live in a dynamic where you can physically show off a woman, throw diamonds at her every so often and shut her up with your bank account. Don’t get me wrong, women have to take responsibility for the fact they wholeheartedly choose that role.

What men have no guidebook to is standing by and supporting a woman as she discovers herself, undoes her shackles and steps into the greater version of herself. This entails going within, uncovering our deepest traumas, a ruthless and constant review of what she will and will not put up with as she grows in self-worth and self- love and to learn to navigate one of her greatest strengths – her emotions. This is not a comfortable place for a man to be. To stand by a woman who is constantly pushing herself is destabilizing if you’re not ready to be led by her change.

Standing by a woman who is evolving is worth more than you can imagine. She won’t be the arm candy you walk into a room with so men can gawk at her physical assets but the woman who will dazzle with an inner glow and magnetism that will leave people around her inspired, magnetized and in awe of her capacity to be present, her emotional depth and challenging perspectives. She’s the one who will push her partner to new heights, by default, as she strives for more and brings home the lessons learned. She’s the one who will show him his strengths when he can’t see them because she s learned to see her own. She’s the one who will have the capacity to help him navigate complex decisions because of her feminine intuitive perspective. She will raise your children and show them there is no other way to living life but to constantly grow, reflect and push their own limits.

So to the men who are comfortable with the woman who plays the victim – don’t interrupt a woman who has made the decision to live the greatest version of herself. You play a vital role in her journey, whether you recognize that or not is up to you. You can applaud her for being a lesser version of herself or step up into what partnership is really about – she’s not there to fill your loneliness, be objectified or simply reproduce. She’s there so you can both grow as individuals while being in a partnership – a delicate balance indeed.

Time to step up.

*This post is dedicated to my husband who knew the moment he laid eyes on me 17 years ago that marrying me would be the adventure of a lifetime. He embraces my personal development at the expense of his own comfort, beliefs and values and supports my dreams as they were his own.

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