‘Happy’ – a word that’s thrown around like candy but a state of being that is as elusive as love. We are own responsible for our own happiness – no one or nothing can give it to us. That brief retail therapy frenzy fades to black. The relationship that Hollywood promised would bring you happiness – not so much. So its on us.

Yet no one really tells us how to get there. I think of it as internal journey with sign posts. After years of feeling like a character in a Dr. Seuss book, I like to think I have a rough idea of what those sign posts to happiness are. So when I’m feeling down and out, these are the questions I use to ‘check in’ with myself. They allow me to re-adjust my compass and get back on track en route to happiness.

What are you devoting your energy to? 

Rarely do we consciously take note of where we are directing our energy. We say ‘yes’ in every direction because ‘no’ is frowned upon. And we end up devoting our energy to anything and everything, and more often than not, are left scratching our heads as to why we’re not able to get that fabulous idea off the ground, work on our passion and master our craft. Unfortunately, this leaves with feelings of failure, low self-esteem and kicking ourselves. Incorrectly so – we just need to make a conscious decision of where we are devoting our energy.

What are you saying ‘yes’ to that you can say ‘no’ to – to free up time for what you really want to do? Saying ‘no’ at first is difficult. Let me tell you, the first time you say it, the guilt kicks in. The chattering monkeys of what a horrible human being you are go off on the loud speakerphones in every corner of your being. And when they do – all you have to do is make one conscious choice of putting you and what you want to make of your life first. It helps that ‘no’ slip off your tongue with that much more ease. You and what you want comes first.

Who are you devoting your energy to?

This one is a big one for the over-givers. You know who you are. The ones who give, give and give a little more and are so exhausted at the end of the day only to start back up in the same cycle in the morning. The problem with over-givers, it attracts over-takers. Welcome emotional (and mental and physical) vampires. Dracula ain’t got nothing on these guys. Not a darn thing. They will suck you dry of every iota of everything.

The thing is you’re so exhausted, you’re not doing anyone who you’re ‘giving’ to any justice, especially yourself and the ones you genuinely need you eg. your kids

And I’ve found the part women struggle with most is the infamous ‘b’ word -boundaries.

Is there unnecessary drama in your life?

You and only you are responsible for the drama in your life. You have allowed it, created it or invited it in. ‘Un-dramify’ your life. Step out or show it the exit.

Rarely do people realize how much energy goes into sustaining or being a part of drama. It is energy that can most definitely be used more constructively. Not once, have I ever heard that drama contributes to happiness. Yet, the conditioning of women being ‘dramatic’ being imposed through the messaging of movies, reality shows and the like – and here we are engaging in mindless drama because we subconsciously believe that’s what we’re supposed to do. Put an end to the circus, use that energy to consciously create your happiness. You will be surprised how happy ‘peace’ can make you.

All drama stops here.

Are you acting out of conditioning or self awareness?

When was the last time you challenged your own behavior? Broke a bad habit or even looked at how your behavior was contributing to a bad situation? We are so conditioned to act out of our own conditioning, we just live life without any afterthought to our own behavior. Alas, this has contributed to the state of the world today and all of us need to take responsibility for our own self-awareness. If we all stop and check our own behavior, we would stop contributing to cycles of unhappiness in our own lives and collectively.

Are you stuck or growing?

What does life feel like for your right now? Stale or challenging? Boring to the point of tears or exciting like you’re climbing new heights? Are you challenging yourself to grow or have you stagnated where you are? Go out and conquer that new sport you have been considering but putting aside. Take that cooking class. Climb that mountain. Learn a new skill. You would have enriched yourself in a way you will not be the same again. A mind once stretched will never go back to the way it was.

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