In my entire lifetime, I cannot say I’ve had a female role model that boldly asked for what she deserved in any situation – be it love, life or career. However, role models of those who have settled for less are more than I can count.

I internalized that to be liked, a most important state, that you silence yourself and put up with crap. A whole lot of it. And when I eventually learned to stand up for myself and say “enough is enough”, I was shot down in every direction by a firing squad made up entirely of women. How dare I upset the status quo? How dare I put myself in the compromising position of being disliked? (Read ‘How dare I force them to rethink how much they put up with’). How dare I put my feelings first? (gasp)

Hush little girl, your needs don’t matter, your desires are secondary and your safety questionable. But whatever you do, don’t speak up, you might upset them. Tame your wildness and snuff out your fire. It isn’t worth being shunned, ridiculed and ostracized. 

But I have switched sides. I am now a fire starter. If speaking over a woman, ignoring her feelings or brushing her off as a ‘less than’ gender is your thing – you will get burned. Teaching my daughter to boldly ask for what she deserves, is something I will hold myself to until my bones are no longer. I hope she internalizes it so no other option exists in her mind and her world.
Speak up. Boldly ask for what you deserve. Be a fire starter. 

Our daughters are watching and they deserve that much.

In light,
Samar Shera 

Key Reflections:

In which situations do you hold yourself back from speaking up?
How does it serve you to stay silent?
What would be the worst thing that happened if you voiced your needs?

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