I have been reflecting on how many apologies I have received in my adult life. We’re in the 0 – 1 range (you’re a 0.5 if your apology is mumbled under your breath insincerely with no eye contact). In hindsight, I have often (read ‘always’) justified people’s ill behavior. Oh, its ok, she didn’t mean it. I cant imagine he did that on purpose. No, she didn’t mean to stab me in the back with a smile on her face.

Reality check, that’s exactly what their intentions were and I have had to bury my rose-tinted glasses.

In my ‘justifying’ ways – I have always allowed the other to evade the need for an apology. Hands down, I feel like I have not been given my dues here. I have seen women put up with a disgusting amount of things as it is our very nature to try, to nurture, to fight for, to allow to grow rather than to walk away – myself included.

Every step of the way, forgiveness has been granted without an apology being offered. In hindsight (which is now 20/20 given my rose tinted glasses lay in their coffin), my lack of holding someone accountable to giving me a sincere apology has allowed them to get away scot free with heinous actions and take for granted I would stand there with open arms to welcome them back – and that’s what I did every single time.

All this begs the question – do I feel worthy of an apology? Cue Vanessa Williams who was (wrongfully in my opinion) de-crowned of her Miss America title only to receive a well deserved apology…..wait for it….

30 YEARS LATER.

Are we as women not feeling worthy of receiving an apology in due time?  Are we being more self-punishing but easy to dole out ‘get away scot free’ cards? Is our ability to go away and self-reflect and come back with a solution to elevate the situation come off as not requiring an apology?

So, I bid adios to the Samar who has been happy to live apology free. Hello, Samar who will hold you accountable to an apology – it’s nice to finally meet you. I don’t know her very well yet but my bet is on this – she’s expecting an authentic apology or she’ll politely show you the exit.

Time to step up.

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